Perception is Everything!
The end of June I was in Los Angeles doing a training program. The small, out of the way hotel I stayed at was pleasant and quiet.
The service was excellent. The people working there were courteous and engaging. They did a great job of making you feel like you were important to them and their business.
In one case, the maid service had forgotten to leave clean towels after collecting the dirty ones. When I called down to the desk—clean towels were at my door within about 90 seconds! The man who delivered them must have skipped the slow elevator and just sprinted up the stairs to get there that fast. Great service.
One of the amenities is that they provided an exceptional breakfast as part of the package with your room. There was only one real flaw with the breakfast—the breakfast room waitress.
Trouble is Comin’
This nice looking, petite, mid-twenties young woman, looked like she wanted to kill someone. The tension was so high, you could feel it in the air. She didn’t just look mad—she looked like she wanted to take somebody out!
She was doing all the right things—refreshing the juices, busing the tables, cleaning the counter space, checking the trays of hot foods, etc. But her body language and her facial expression looked like she was about to explode, and if you crossed her, she’d pull her meat cleaver and do you in on the spot.
As I ate my breakfast, the other patrons in the dining area all looked like they were hiding. Even tables with two or three people at them were dead silent. No one talked at all.
It appeared as if most diners were keeping their eyes averted, and head down, so they wouldn’t be noticed. I caught nearly everyone stealing glances at this woman, but if she started to turn their direction, their eyes and head would go down.
She Didn’t Fit The Picture
Later that day, when presenting communication strategies to my program attendees, I used her expression as a “not to do” example. This was exactly how to keep people at a distance, and create tension with your interactor’s.
Hotel mogul and billionaire Leona Helmsley, also known as the “Queen of Mean”, said the most important part of any hotel was the people. Mrs. Helmsley was a tough cookie, but knew how to create excellence. She said, “You need to have an exceptional establishment. But, as important as the hotel and all of it’s appointments, is the service and the positive demeanor of all employees. This is absolutely crucial.”
Looking around my hotel, I could see that everyone else in it was one of these exceptional servers with a positive demeanor like Helmsley talked about. The waitress was good on service, but her demeanor sucked.
The next morning when I went down for breakfast, the chainsaw massacre lady was there again.
While eating breakfast, I pondered why would the hotel manager (who I met when I checked in) hire all of these service oriented, positive people, but blow it so badly with this waitress? She wouldn’t have—because from our discussion I could tell that she herself was one of these positive, proactive people.
Being Nosy Shifted My Perspective
As I was finishing breakfast, I decided I had to find out what was going on with the waitress. I waited until she was in an area that was fairly far from the closest people having breakfast.
I approached, smiled and said “Good morning.”
Through her grimace, she smiled and said good morning back.
I very politely asked if I could speak with her for just a moment, and she agreed—as she backed up a half-step and gave me the evil eye.
I said, “Are you aware you look angry all the time?”
She looked rather surprised, and responded with a flat “No.” and a scowl.
There was a large wall mirror close by. I gestured at it and said, “Take a look.” She hesitated, and I said, “Really. Just go look at your expression.”
She moved over and looked in the mirror. When she turned back toward me, she looked like she was going to cry. I had figured something was going on with her, or I’d never have brought this up.
She said, “Oh! I do look angry—but I’m not. Three days ago after work, I was playing soccer on my league and took a ball in my right eye. I immediately went to the doctor, and found that I have a slight tear in my lens, and another scratch on my eye. No matter what I do, even the pain deadening drops the doctor gave me to put in my eye, don’t stop the pain.”
I gave her a nice tip that morning, because I’m sure that was the only one she’d gotten for a number of days.
Pay Attention
What does your face look like? Do you move through life looking like you want to “kill somebody”?
You don’t have to go to the opposite extreme either, where you spend all your time grinning. If you do, people will think there’s something wrong with you. But pay attention to your facial expression.
Your face it the first thing people see when you approach. Even if you don’t feel like smiling, just relax your facial muscles. Lift your eyebrows a bit. It creates a slightly more pleasant demeanor.
As Dr. Albert Mehrabian from UCLA said, “Communication is 55% Visual, 38% Tonal, 7% the Words we say.”
Over half of your communication is what others see—the look on your face, the clothes you wear, the posture you hold, your gestures, how fast or slowly you move, the amount of eye contact you make or don’t make, etc.
Attend to the visual signals you give-off. They make an immediate and powerful “statement” to all who see you.
The Very
Best Of Success To You,
©
2010
The Institute for Advanced Development Inc.
““Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face.”
-- Victor Hugo (1802-1885)
“You`ve got to get up every morning,
With a smile on your face,
And show the world all the love in your heart.
The people gonna treat you better,
You`re gonna find—yes, you will,
That you`re beautiful, as you feel.”
-- Carole King, “Beautiful” from the 1971 album “Tapestry”
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